Ditch Doc

You know you’re pretty close to a manual restart when the last line under Program Manager’s applications tab is ‘Program Manager – (Not Responding)’.

Problem: I can’t afford a space heater, and my feet stick out from the blankets, so I wake up every two hours with cold toes.

Solution: Wool socks. I haven’t slept this well since I was 18.

I’ve finally found the way to break coffee addiction within a week or two without budgeting three days to lie quivering in a corner. And it’s not what you’d expect. The reason the Fool can’t even cut back from four coffees a day is that the least he can order is a small, which he must then drink in its entirety rather than waste any of the precious fluid. But the Wise Man begins his day with a large thermos of espresso. Then, whenever the headaches, mood swings or hallucinations begin, he serenely takes one swig and puts it away again. And the demon of the bean lies and gnashes his teeth in the outer darkness.

The Mennonites of Aylmer, Ontario.
Because who else is spinning Elgin County the Christian mariachi top 40 in Low German?

You know it’s time to cut back when you’re more worried about the lost coffee than the thermos you lost it in.

English translations of Vatican documents are notoriously loose, and the critical reviewer can sometimes sniff out what looks like a deliberate distortion. The Holy Father’s letter to the Bishops explaining his Motu Proprio of July 7, 2007 offers a tidy example. The English translation twice refers to the Mass of Bl. John XXIII as the ‘former usage’. In the same places, the French, Spanish, Italian and Portuguese use ‘ancien’, ‘antiguo’, ‘antico’ and ‘antigo’. I know too little German to be certain, but I think that translation uses ‘alten’. All these words describe existence in a previous time, while allowing for continuation into the present. ‘Former’, on the other hand, is reserved for things that are no longer. For illustration, imagine applying first the word ‘ancient’ and then the word ‘former’ to the faith. Does one of these not quite match up? Not much further commentary is necessary on this point, except to provide a popular North American English idiom which sums up my reply to the nameless translator:
“In your dreams.”
God bless the Pope.

I wish I’d been told this when I was fourteen: after shaving, use your left hand to spread a little olive oil around your still-wet face. Use the same hand to rub all over against the grain and find rough spots, which you can then remove with the razor in your right. You’ll be feeling your chin in disbelief until mid-afternoon.

Senior Medical Resident: (Frowning, feeling elderly demented patient’s chest for abnormal heart findings): “Hmm… yes, she does have a thrill.”

Patient, scoffing: “Well, I’ve had more than that!”

Here’s the Absolution following the Requiem Mass in Kinkora, Ontario, about 20 minutes from Stratford. A tad rusty, but a brilliant first shot at the Requiem in a parish that probably hasn’t seen it in 40 years. And listen to the parishioners! Most of them have never sung those responses. I have the honour to mention that Schola Nomini Tuo sang the whole Mass.

Was I ever glad to hear this, during my recent charting evaluation:
“OK, first of all, we just do these things to pick up the worst of the worst, and, uh, the first thing we look at when we look at notes is, well, are they legible. And yours…(Looks down, flips through a few pages, pauses)…are.”