Ditch Doc » Language

Euphony

bt — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 17:20:21 +0000

I’d always wondered why limericks sound so emphatically complete at the end. They shouldn’t. They’re five lines long, already an unstable number, and the last has to reach three lines back for its rhyme. Here’s the trick: A limerick is based on a strict but cleverly camouflaged anapestic quadrameter. The three long lines each begin with three explicit anapests and end with a silent one. The two short lines are actually one long one, disguised by an internal rhyme and an explicit fourth foot. So a limerick is in fact only four lines long, and the fourth rhymes the second, as it would in any less devious poem. Observe: (Square brackets denote silent syllables.)

. . / . . / . . / [ . . / ]
Once an epicure dining at Kew,
. . / . . / . . / [ . . / ]
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
. . / . . /[.] . / . . /
Said the waiter don’t shout, and wave it about,
. . / . . / . . / [ . . / ]
Or the rest will be wanting one too.

I trust familiarity will not harm affection.

The CaRMS Match

bt — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 12:03:22 +0000

“Any man making Rye Haven must first resign himself to the will of God, and consider, especially if the boat is running and a little over-canvassed, that death is but a mighty transition; that it is all sand hereabouts, with no cruel rocks to tear the tender body with their horrid fangs; that nothing is worth calculating in life, because things happen by fate anyhow, or by chance, but certainly not by our direction; and that if, or when, she strikes, it will not be his fault. No man can tell you the deep into Rye harbour, for it shifts with every wind, and at the best it is of the narrowest.”
-Hilaire Belloc, The Cruise of the Nona

Breakfast in Thunder Bay

bt — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 13:04:15 +0000

I’d forgotten what a comfort the Husky gas station and diner is. It’s the only chain built on that bastion of small hospitality (and therefore of Christendom), the leathery, blunt old waitress with a heart of gold. Countless weary truckers would turn nowhere else to fulfil the sacred rite of breakfast. You may suspect as much when she asks the second patron in a row: “Just the usual, Bob?” But you know it with perfect certainty when she greets you, an obvious out-of-towner, with a cup of coffee and a well worn “Do you need a menu this morning, sir?”

The Latin Mass

bt — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 02:45:51 +0000

Of all the names used for the 1962 Missal, (Usus Antiquior, Extraordinary Form, Traditional, Tridentine), the worst is ‘Latin Mass’. It implies that the new one is the non-Latin Mass. Always in essence and ideally in practice, the Novus Ordo is in Latin. It’s even in Latin when it’s not, since the vernacular texts derive their validity from their reflection of the Latin. When we call the traditional Mass the Latin Mass, or worse yet, call the Novus Ordo the English Mass, we join those who are trying to amputate the Church’s patrimony. It doesn’t matter that the rest do it to throw it away, and we do it to keep it for ourselves. The language of the Church is for the whole Church. We need to stop hogging it.

Implications

bt — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 22:49:28 +0000

Why is it that when the cashier asks: “Would you like a receipt?”, it means the receipt isn’t printed yet, but could be, but when she asks: “Would you like your receipt?”, it means it’s been printed, and could be … Continue reading →

You’re not kidding!

bt — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:37:40 +0000

The second verse of the offertory chant for yesterday’s Mass concludes with a single word lasting ninety-seven notes. The word? ‘Semper.’

105.9 CHPD-FM

bt — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 01:22:49 +0000

The Mennonites of Aylmer, Ontario.
Because who else is spinning Elgin County the Christian mariachi top 40 in Low German?

Sneaky Translation

bt — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 01:52:45 +0000

English translations of Vatican documents are notoriously loose, and the critical reviewer can sometimes sniff out what looks like a deliberate distortion. The Holy Father’s letter to the Bishops explaining his Motu Proprio of July 7, 2007 offers a tidy example. The English translation twice refers to the Mass of Bl. John XXIII as the ‘former usage’. In the same places, the French, Spanish, Italian and Portuguese use ‘ancien’, ‘antiguo’, ‘antico’ and ‘antigo’. I know too little German to be certain, but I think that translation uses ‘alten’. All these words describe existence in a previous time, while allowing for continuation into the present. ‘Former’, on the other hand, is reserved for things that are no longer. For illustration, imagine applying first the word ‘ancient’ and then the word ‘former’ to the faith. Does one of these not quite match up? Not much further commentary is necessary on this point, except to provide a popular North American English idiom which sums up my reply to the nameless translator:
“In your dreams.”
God bless the Pope.

Double Entendre

bt — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:24:35 +0000

Senior Medical Resident: (Frowning, feeling elderly demented patient’s chest for abnormal heart findings): “Hmm… yes, she does have a thrill.”

Patient, scoffing: “Well, I’ve had more than that!”

My Brother Would Like This

bt — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 21:05:42 +0000

Overheard on the local rap station the other day:

“They say I should be a doctor,
But I don’t have the patientce.”