Ditch Doc » Health and Illness

Panic

bt — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 20:39:31 +0000

I’ve always been a bit paranoid about waking up for work, but not until this paediatric surgery rotation had I ever had a nightmare about sleeping in until the crack of dawn.

Double Entendre

bt — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:24:35 +0000

Senior Medical Resident: (Frowning, feeling elderly demented patient’s chest for abnormal heart findings): “Hmm… yes, she does have a thrill.”

Patient, scoffing: “Well, I’ve had more than that!”

Wheew!

bt — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 01:55:28 +0000

Was I ever glad to hear this, during my recent charting evaluation:
“OK, first of all, we just do these things to pick up the worst of the worst, and, uh, the first thing we look at when we look at notes is, well, are they legible. And yours…(Looks down, flips through a few pages, pauses)…are.”

Patient Confidentiality

bt — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 12:47:29 +0000

They audit employees on their use of electronic records. They ask staff to admonish one another for discussing cases in elevators. They forbid the removal from the physical plant of research databases containing patient names. And then they make an overhead page like this: “Would J*** S**** please return to the urgent urology clinic. That’s J*** S**** to urgent urology.”

Say What?

bt — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 01:57:34 +0000

On the top of Google’s listing for weird emails today:

Dear Father,

Bad news: When I set the tenth Sunday after Pentecost as the first day for the Kinkoriites to sing the Propers, I’d forgotten that my boss is expecting me to attend the World Congress on Thyroid Cancer in Toronto. So I probably can’t make it. I am raking south-western Ontario for a replacement cantor for you. Very sorry for the mess.

In Christo,

Ditch

Cursum Consummavi

bt — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 00:06:18 +0000

You know you’re sick when the surgeon tells you that if your couple of cigarettes a day are a small pleasure to you, he won’t ask you to quit.

Perspective

bt — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:23:25 +0000

The best thing about working in a head and neck oncology clinic is meeting patients with missing eyes, throats, ears and even noses, whose voices sound like well-controlled burps, who cough thick mucus from holes in their chests, and who … Continue reading →