Got this one from the notorious Russian. Let’s file it under questions you hope a cop will NOT be asking you on your way to a shift you’re about to be late for:
“Afternoon. Mind if I see your pilot’s license?”
A few months ago, I was talking with Dima about all the hoops to be jumped through in an application to med school in Canada, among them the difficulty of having my GPA from that anonymous Californian college accepted in Ontario. His reaction was something like this:
“In Russia, every year, in August, you write four exams, and if you pass, you are student. Here, there is guy, university education, $100,000 a year, sit behind desk, think about your grades. One day, he think about your grades, then think about something else. You have to wait. In Russia, you are going to kill him! Well, not kill, but you are going to call him, and say, ‘What is your address? I will come over and we will talk about this.’”
Dima’s take on the previous:
Referring to the everything’s-free aspect of patch life: “Excellent. Is communism.” And to the quantity of downtime: “This takes great skill. You must sleep 14 hours a day.”
So Dima informs me that Christmas has only been on the calendar in Russia for the last 15 or 20 years. Which is very confusing, because I was pretty sure that it had been celebrated at least since Cyril and Methodius came through that way in the 9th century. I had trouble figuring out exactly what he meant, but so far I can only think of two possibilities:
1. The Orthodox Church has been in way worse trouble this century than I realized, so much so that Christmas was publically forgotten for a while.
2. The version of Christmas publically celebrated in North America is so secularized that Dima didn’t think of it as the same holiday as the Russian one.
I suppose there’s also:
3. The Orthodox aren’t particularly public in their liturgical celebrations.
Having spoken at greater length, I’m leaning towards #1.
Dima: Hello?
Ditch: Hey, it’s me. Is Tina there?
Dima: Yes… [long silence] …and what?
I’m putting up this post because I think it’s an excellent summary of the spirit of that anonymous college we all love. I’m a little dicy on the individual application, but no one with a closer connection with the school has come up with a better statement of the general sentiment.
Dima: No, no, Ditch know about all stuff… Music, religion, cars…
One of the members of our ambulance station is an accomplished dentist from Kamchatka who came to Canada on a whim, barely had his extensive education recognized to a grade 12 level, and struggled through his paramedic training with about half a grasp of the English language. His still beginning understanding of Canadian language and ways leads him to say some truly hilarious things, worthy of their own category. (All quotes are to be read in a think Russian accent.)
Tonight:
Dima: You should go up Old Alaska Highway. Whole cattle farm… all elimination.
Ditch: (Scratches head)
Dima: Christmas lights on everything. E-li-mi.. No?
Ditch: Oh! Illumination!
Dima: Aaaah!
While planning Thanksgiving dinner:
Michelle: I’ll take care of the turkey.
Dima: What is … turkey?
Matt: Uh, it’s a big bird…
Tina: It’s like chicken…
Dima: Is chicken?
Matt: No, it’s bigger than chicken.
Ditch: It’s a huge chicken.
Dima (suddenly understanding): Aaah! Hormonal chicken!
Later:
Dima: What is … cranberries?